I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
