why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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