you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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