He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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