cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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