I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
