wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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