If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
