he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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