All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
