He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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