we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize