the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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