My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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