i already hear my dad disowning me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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