How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
