dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
