Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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