What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
