genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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