It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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