i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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