did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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