how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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