I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
