i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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