There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
