The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
