i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
