Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
