Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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