im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
