I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize