Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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