I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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