remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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