did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
