I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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