just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
