just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
