Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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