Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
