My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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