I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i think my cat just said my name.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
