I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
