well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
