I booty called her while she was in labor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
