I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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