Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
