Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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