I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
