Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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