He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
