"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
