my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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