So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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