I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
