I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize