I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize