If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's the barista slut.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
