Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
