It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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