he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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