last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What a dumb baby whore.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
