First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish there were birth control emojis
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
