Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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