If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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