Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
