Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
