I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
