No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
